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| If Love is a gun, then I know I'm shot
My Beloved is a goddess
but this fact it seems she forgot
The ageless sparkle dims into the hidden dimples
the wholy light has shrunk back into its temple
The violet candle has been snuffed
and I pray she doesn't bury it if the rainbow isn't enuf
Because you see, I love her, and even though the tragedy is clear to me
My love requires that I stay back and let her be
Be cold, be alone, be shriveled nearly to the bone
Though it's hard to resist yanking the sword out of this stone
When I refer to her as Divinity, I don't mean she as The God
but a god and not a He god or a She god but a truly Free god
sort of a mini god as all of us are
orbiting around the eternal central Star
that we call the Sun, she forgot the secret that we're really all one
born not from the relativity-restricted Below or Above
but the supreme love
or rather
a Love Supreme
a love supreme, a love supreme
Just take a walk down the block when you have a moment or two
In the childrens' eyes as they play there's a reflection of that deep watery blue
they don't even know that it's there, but we do
a love supreme, a love supreme
I went to get a cheeseburger at Mickie D's and was almost moved to cry
when an elderly couple ahead of me decided to share a single vanilla milkshake and an apple pie
I heard a deep voiced Indian man with his little girl recite the Itsy Bitsy spider
I had to shield my eyes as her smile stretched ever wider
I see
a love supreme, a love supreme
When I stand in front of a microphone
spreading love through aural waves rushing through the ears
like bare feet in the sand
awaiting the salty water as it nears
I feel
a love supreme, a love supreme
When two angry lovers keep their rage unspoken
both tenderly protecting the other's heart from being broken
When grandma calls and forgets your name
and you make up a new one 'cause it's really all the same
When two women wearing the same dress arrive at a party
They like "girl, you look good let's get this shit started!"
When in church a child catches her mother crying
Mom says it's because she happy, even if she's lying
Right or wrong, good or bad, or whatever subjective term,
I know the core of where that love burns
in the crystal pocket of the soul
where all is known and all Is whole
where I'll always find my Beloved.
She is the world, this fantastic cosmic chuckle of a dream
I hear it through the diesels and the trees
the jazz and the threes
So you see, it's in you that I send my peace,
my love supreme.
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|  | Currently Watching
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
By Jim Carrey, Kate Winslet, Gerry Robert Byrne, Elijah Wood, Thomas Jay Ryan, Mark Ruffalo, Jane Adams (II), David Cross (II), Kirsten Dunst, Tom Wilkinson, Ryan Whitney, Debbon Ayer, Amir Ali Said, Brian Price (IV), Paul Litowsky, Josh Flitter, Lola Daehler, Deirdre O'Connell, Lauren Adler
see related |
A - Age: 24 going on 33 going on 12. Ask if you're curious ;)
B - Band listening to right now: No band in particular, but I can always rock Coldplay's 1st cd.
C - Career: Theatre/music (soon)/photography (almost as soon)
D - Drink or smoke: nope
E - Easiest person/s to talk to: Kristie, my ma, my girlfriend (No, Kristie is not my ma and my ma is not my girlfriend...)
F - Favorite song/s at the moment: "I Know" by Jude
G - Gummy Bears or Gummy Worms: Bears!
J - Junk foods you like: sour jelly bellies!
L - Longest car ride ever: LA to Detroit (we did that when I was 12. We took lots of fried chicken..)
M - My favorite Sport/s: Basketball/Wrestling (real wrestling)
N - Number of relationships you've had: I don't feel like counting, or categorizing
O - One wish you have: To be free, always, without question
P - Phobias: Unwanted pregnancy, hurting my loved ones unnecessarily, letting myself down
Q - Favorite Quote:
"Life is like the surf, so give yourself away like the sea..." --Y Tu Mama Tambien
R - Reason to smile: I'M ALIVE!
S- Song: Age of Aquarius
T- Time you woke up: 8:30
U - Unknown fact about you: I fervently believe in the magic of bubbles
V - Vegetable/fruit you hate: brussel sprouts, grapefruit
W - Worst habit: not letting people in on the joke
X - X-rays you've had: none
Y- Yummy food/s: Lasagnaaaaaa
Z- Zodiac sign: If you must categorize me, I'm a Libra. But sometimes I act like a Scorpio or a Taurus or an Aries. I'll explain if you need :)
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| There was a moment when it could have all turned. The universe could have been altered in the singlular moment of a passion unfulfilled. We could have reimagined the stars and sent ripples through the moon. We could have made love. But I knew it was wrong. And in the quiet descrescendo of that moment, you knew it too. Time passes. This moment now relegated to the status of memory. But still alive...defiantly so.
With said time, I make peace with the choice I/we made, and accept the current reality of things. And then a scary thing happens. I begin to regret that choice. I realized with sudden clarity that if that moment was indeed fulfilled, if we had indeed made love, a link would be created, binding us forever. That no matter happened afterward, a small part of you would be mine, a part of me yours. Forever. That realization assaulted my peaceful state, and racked my conscience. Was I a fool? I wondered. What did I really give up? Especially now that the chance will likely not repeat itself? That burned. I was ashes.
But then I realized I was only imagining my side of the issue. And I also came to understand that it would not have been so gentle and lovely for you. It would have torn into you with a savage power that would bring your breaking point that much nearer. And out of necessity, for self-preservation, you would have had to disintegrate the bridge before it could be fully constructed. I would have never heard from you again. And I no longer wished for that moment to be any different than it was. It was best for you, and your joys are mine. I smile for your happiness. I know we weren't wrong.
Love is a beautiful thing. It has so many faces. Doesn't it?
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| It has become more and more clear to me that one of the major forces challenging us today is not the negative influence of false teachers and glamorous new age spiritualities. That's not the main thing. It would hardly be an issue if not for our saddening lack of discernment. For years I've had the same analogy: when we're shopping for a new car, we're very discerning. We know everything we need to know about the car and then some. We get to know the people selling us the car, and their track record. We know what will be expected on our end of the bargain. And more often than not, we make a wise purchase. But religion/spirituality doesn't collectively get that level of investigation and discernment.
Traditional religion isn't even my focus here. It's worthy of discussion, but not my cause for alarm. That honor goes to our Wandering New Age Crowd. Keep in mind that I have been a New Age kind of guy for years, and I've checked out a lot of ideas/belief systems. But the difference between me and too many Alternative Spiritual Seekers (acronym, anyone?) is the discriminatory mindset, that dose of healthy skepticism that keeps us grounded. I've read about so many people who got suckered into these fake religions ran by fanatical, deeply disturbed and power-hungry "leaders" and either died or had their lives shattered, a la Jim Jones and the People's Temple. And it's basically the same story...
Recovering Cult Member: "Sri Spencer Whirlypants had this aura about him...he just seemed so powerful and charismatic! Like he could see right through me! At first I was skeptical, but he won me over after a month of meetings, all in secret of course, and my boyfriend and I moved to Middle of the Woods, Mississippi to live independently with their Family. But then things started to get weird..."
And fill in the rest however you wish. Name it and it's happened. Or happening. People follow their mysterious leaders into whatever forms of depravity and humiliation they want, and are told it's all for Spiritual Growth. As if being a tortured sex slave is the true path to the Bodhisavatta. And I asked myself, why are people so easily fooled? Why??
It's because we live in a culture that discourages questioning. We're taught to memorize first, analyze later--if ever. And we're collectively so hungry for some real form of spiritual connection that our defenses drop unconsciously, and opportunistic "mystics" are patiently waiting.
That would probably be my biggest suggestion to kids. Never stop questioning. Even when you think you know, you may decide later that you don't, and you can take another step towards the fulfillment you're seeking. Choose your guides wisely.
For God's sake.
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| That's what I told myself, so here I am, gently enticing my shy words onto this empty stage. If you want to see where I really write stuff, check out my myspace page or my opendiary page. It's the same name but without the underscore. I just don't like repeating myself, lol. But I think I'll assign special purpose for this page. This is where I'll do most of my metaphysical esoteric musing, because I find that fun and I should share what's in my head now and then. You're more than welcome to join the conversations!
As for now, I thought I'd leave a poem of mine. It's one of my favorites, and I'm sure some women will relate to it. Special shout out to my dear friend Alison!! :) Anywho, here it is..
Finding Her Body
She went away to Neverland it seemed,
where everything was pretty and she never grew up
Lolli pops and chocolate treats were the true mysteries
while angst and salty-haired regret lay eternally in wait.
It was a good life.
She wanted to die.
What she'd give for this mirror to distort,
to offer some twisty angle of silliness
to distract her from her own
so she could laugh in this funhouse,
complete with old make up and dried lotion
and bubble bath ten years too cold.
Her hips seemed to have a vendetta
against her, fabricating calories
she didn't eat
denying the miles she'd desperately run
and relentlessly swaying of their own accord.
What she'd give to know that rhythm.
The sex didn't tell her much
save that power isn't one's to keep
but to take and to lose
and the fairydust doesn't muffle the voice
that cries out in the crippled language
of this new Eve, shamed all over again.
naked. she is tonight
and her hands reassess the artwork
God swears is his. Why can't she feel the colors?
Maybe she should pray.
Light a candle, kill the lights, listen
for the Om. Maybe she'll hear the wings.
In bed she played her Chopin
her ears tickled with peace, and swirling
bass lines send a tender rumble up her spine
and sprout red roses in her cheeks.
Somewhere within she felt a shudder
of darkly violet heat. She cried.
The next morning she walked outside
inadvertently noticing eyes noticing her.
Her breath seems a little thicker.
Her hips hum like a cello, sway as the sea,
her skin tingles, burning and free
The sun closes in on her. She lets him in. | | |
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